So I must be honest and say, I have my struggles. I struggle with mental health. I was diagnosed with psychosis (auditory and visual hallucinations), mood disorder NOS, adhd and borderline personality disorder. It’s a struggle to get out of bed. It’s a struggle to complete simple tasks. Like showering. Currently, I can’t work more than 30 hours a week. Which makes living hard. I am a full-time student, in therapy, with no job.

I struggle with feeling alone and feeling abandoned. I am very hard on myself, and expecting myself to be the best. Because good is never enough. I want to live a life driven on PURPOSE. To be effective, a motivator, history maker, public voice, leader, advocate and teacher.

I want what seems to be impossible. One day I hope to attend Yale Divinity School, Princeton Divinity School, or Chicago Theological Seminary. To go higher than any Dickey has gone!!! Make my Gramma proud.  To talk with young people in foster care with low self-esteem, I want to be an “ear” for the next generation. I want them to succeed and help them so that eventually they can help someone else too.

I am not sure why I wrote this post, but I guess I wrote it to say:

Dear Xih,

I love you. You’re strong, and it’s okay to recognize that at times you’ll need help. Nothing happens overnight. You have survived foster care, abuse, rape, and neglect; you’ve been homeless and poor, and yet you pull through. Life will not always be this hard. There is a sun over the mountain. God is with you and loves you. You will attend great universities and earn your degrees. You’ll reach millions and inspire young people. You can make it, and you will make it. If no one says that they love you, know that I (you) love you. I (you) am cheering for you. I (you) will never let you down. Life is a journey, a play with no rehearsal. You’ve made it thus far; keep going until God calls your number. It’s okay to cry, for it does not mean that you are weak. You will succeed ‘n make it. You’re your only roadblock. God Bless. May God send His angels to cover you in your time of pain, depression, sadness, and success.

Love,

YOURSELF Xih Zephyrn Zih