Sometimes your heart just hurts.

Sometimes your mind is broken.

Sometimes you don’t have the answer to that question.

Sometimes, you just need a nap and to suck your thumb

Sometimes the words don’t come out correctly, instead of tears flowing

Sometimes loneliness is continuity

Happiness seems relative

Most of the time you just need a shoulder to cry

A hug is a prescription you really needed

Often you just want a safe place to stay, a place of your own to call home

Sometimes you’re just hungry and need to be feed

At times you want others to feel your pain

We all want relief and a savior from life, but realize we just have to keep pushing. Some nights are just going to be tearful, and mornings filled with delays. Sunglasses to hide the bags under your eyes and deep-fried Oreos to mask your pain.

Then there will be times when nothing is enough, and death seems like a solution, but your hearts are pumping “life”

I often want to give up, but I just don’t know how. A failure is never an option, the consequence is regret. There is no pill for that.

My grandma died, my rock is gone. I’ve received two hugs since her death, and I need a few more. I’m trying to be uplifting, but I need a place to be human. I yearn to hear the words “I love you” maybe one day, but not today. I’m crying because that woman who cause significant pain, was the one person who provided great joy. I’m motherless and my mom still lives, fatherless and my father still lives. I’m a twin and I don’t know where my other half is. I feel conflicted and I feel stronger, because I know I’ll see past this. I’m scared of my own strength and denying my ability to become more than I could have ever dreamt

My rocks story has ended, and mine is yet beginning. Death is not easy and is not my solution. Life is bearing, and yet asking to be defined. I’m am more than my illness. I am more than my insecurities. I may never get that hug or affirmation again, but I’ve experienced it. I hold it dear to my heart. I fall on my knees every night and thank God for it. I have one thing that many has never “yet” to achieve.

I have a life. Not of my own strength but that of a higher power. I can make it because my rock made it. At my grandma’s funeral, I saw how beautiful she looked, but I didn’t recognize her face. Then I looked at her hands, I saw each wrinkle. I regret not touching her one last time. I remember those hands, and in the congregation saw her legacy, and then I prayed that I’d to one day reach old age, and be wrinkled; for each wrinkle showed strength and not a weakness.

I know what it’s like to be hungry. I know what it’s like to be homeless. I know what it’s like to be mentally ill. I know what it’s like to attempt suicide and live. I know what it’s like to experience death and feel regret for still living. I’m earning my wrinkles and gaining wisdom and strength. Thank you GOD! Thank you GOD!

Job in the bible said it best, “The Lord gives, The Lord takes; PRAISE BE THE LORD”

 

Domenia Dickey