In a dark world and troubling times, especially in America, focusing on the negatives, trends, self-hate, and discord is easier. This summer brings me to a year’s worth of good and bad memories. So, for this post, I want to focus on the good.

I’m grateful to the Lord for providing me medications and multiple treaters for my schizoaffective biopolar 1 type, ADHD, bulimia, anxiety, PTSD, depression, and gender dysphoria. I’m grateful to the Lord for every shot I receive for my condition. I’m grateful to be heard and seen not as an ill person but a person working towards wholeness.

I’m grateful to the Lord for saving me from a car accident 15 years ago that plagued me with physical pain, illness, such as fibromyalgia, spinal stenosis, and carpal tunnel. It could’ve been worse. I deal with pain daily, I can’t run or jump, or work out. It’s put on weight. However, I still have a life worth living, and an excellent team is keeping me healthy and working on my mobility.

I am grateful to the Lord for my university, seminary, undergraduate, and amazing high school. I say this because I have met professors who pushed me into greatness and believe I can be a scholar, I’ve had professors become friends, and I’m thriving. Sound High School is a family, and once a member, forever family. Love them with my whole heart.

I’m grateful to the Lord for experiencing homelessness, poverty, needing Medicaid and Medicare, SNAP, and public safe housing. I didn’t enjoy it initially, and the route to safe housing was a long process. With the Lord’s help, I did it! I am still only Medicare, Medicaid, SNAP, and SSDI/SSI. It may not be part of my future as I climb the ladder of success; however, it’s helping now and saving my life through medical insurance, preventative care, and food nutrition.

I’m genuinely grateful to the Lord for SSI/SSDI, which I started in 2014, earning $495 a year while working. Then, I increased it to $945 and was still working. Then it increased when my disability was at its worst to $1,283 a month. I’m grateful. I can pay rent, buy extra food, pay for personal health and hygiene products, including my $135 amount of vitamins a month. Also, it helps pay for my bunny son. Every month, I proudly give 10% back to the house of the Lord, which is $128, and I donate it to ECV HELPS, which gives money to the needy, poor, and those needing assistance in my community and at church.

I’m grateful to the Lord for my church. Elm City Vineyard for the love of a second family, a new mom and dad with young siblings, and receiving hugs and love every Sunday morning. I am also taught the word of God in the style of a talk, which leaves room to digest and think. What better place to serve the Lord than at ECV!

I’m grateful to the Lord for foster care, helping me survive, and not becoming another statistic. I was taught leadership, love, empathy, self-control, and confidence.

I’m thankful for my biological family, but they are not the best family and have chosen to leave me alone. They don’t know how to love me or show love. However, I still love them. With the drop of a hat, I’d be there for them. I still have family, even if I have to love from a distance.

I’m grateful for those who did me harm, my biological family, childhood church, my foster parents Caroline and Gene and their children seeking to destroy me through dehumanization and as a monthly pay check, my seminary college and universities seeking to oppress me for being trans and queer and those who raped me as a child, a mother who beat me until bleeding, adulthood rape, abuse from bosses at Starbucks, and those who hate me and don’t know the adult me. I pray for a special blessing, purpose, wealth, love, and success in all they do in life, and for them to grow into better angels.

I’m grateful to the Lord for Planned Parenthood, for the STI check-ups, HRT (this saves my life), flu shots, PREP, and pap smears every 3 years. I say thank you, and may your work multiply, and more trans lives be saved, and women, men, and nonbinary folks survive and thrive.

I’m grateful to the Lord for my recovery assistants (RAs) who help me with chores, go to appointments, and give me a life and hope back. Thank you, Miss Jessica, Mrs. H, Miss Jay, Miss Jazlyn, Broski, Joy, Beck n Call Homecare, and all the others.

I’m grateful to the Lord for my almost year experience from Griffin Health, their psych hospitals, and mental health IOP treatment. Helped me get sober and get better.

I’m grateful for my bunny son and the joy he brings to my life. Mr. Jhonni Root-Canal Zih

I’m grateful to the Lord for my amazing, super-star and strong Aunt Susan!

Lastly, I’m grateful to the Lord for my Broski Vic. He means the world to me. He edifies true friendship, displays loyalty and honesty, and lives with integrity, self-discipline, and self-confidence. Love you, Broski!!!

I’m grateful to all my readers and subscribers to my blog. Thank you for listening, reading, and commenting. Please know I speak truth to power, will always give you an honest story, and leave off every post with positivity and spirituality.

I cannot forget to mention that I am grateful for Jesus and the passionate sacrifice he made for me and those who choose to believe or not.

Blessings,

Xih-Zih