• Daily Battle with Mental Illness

    3 Sep 2015
    Truth & Foster Care

    There’re those whom tell people to “snap out of it”. Trust me if we could we would. I’ve experienced people whom tell me to get off my meds and rely of God. When it’s God who made it possible for people with mental health to live a stable life. You don’t know our struggle, so don’t judge us. We try to fit in, however we will forever be different because our brain chemistry is different.

    Most of the times it’s a waste of time having a conversation about my struggle with mental illness. There is an automatic stigma that “I’m crazy” when the truth is that there is a lack of understanding. A particular medication that works for my friend may not work for me. We struggle with living with side effects. We are just trying to survive and live a life of purpose.

    I hate it when assumptions are made, and people assume that they know the answer. When your degree is to teach not to prescribe my medications. I don’t ask for your advice. I was told this morning that I can basically get over the sedation, and tiredness of my meds. I responded quickly that “no one besides God will understand my struggle” The sleepiness requires more naps, the sedation that creates dizziness. Not to mention everyone responds differently to medication. I hate when people act they know everything, when you barely know me.

    Every time I take a pill, I say in Jesus Name, because I believe that it is through him that my medication make me function. So mind your business, and lets keep our conversations general. Because you have no idea what my life is like, and how in spite of an illness, I’m trying to make it.

    But what do I have to prove to you, you’re human and not my God. I’ll take what you say with a grain of salt, words that I never hear.

    This is my response to a struggle not understood.

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  • There’s an App for THAT!

    2 Sep 2015
    Truth & Foster Care

    I attend church and my is Pastor Martha V. Green, she has a true heart for God. She preaches and teaches with love and conviction. She welcomes and encourages conviction accompanied with the love of Christ. I forgot to mention, she is 94 years old. She has a church of youth with a passion for God, we’ve been taught the word of God, and his love has pierced our hearts.

    My mama Barnes
    My mama Barnes

    There is a woman of God, a teacher, mentor, writer, who has earned a Ph.D in three areas, lives and breathes for God. Before I met her, I didn’t know that I could be a Christian in a secular world. With three Doctorate degrees she stands true to her faith. After meeting her it was then I realized, that I have no excuses not to live out my purpose. I can make it.

    She is now my mentor. I’m one blessed child of God!

    My church was looking for a preacher for our youth event I believe, and I suggested Rev. Dr. Sheryl W. Barnes. She preached a sermon and started off her by saying “There’s an App for that” At first I chuckled and thought she was trying to be cool and relate to youth the best way she could.

    The over view of her sermon said: “NO MATTER WHAT YOU EXPERIENCE, FEEL, HEAR, THINK, PAIN, JOY, GRIEF, HEART BRAKE, DEATH OF A LOVED ONE, THERE IS AN APP FOR THAT”

    That APP, is Jesus Christ. I’ve heard many sermons, but this particular sermon pierced my intellect and reached to my heart. No to mention our youth still speak about this spectacular sermon. She didn’t teach us anything new. She was sent to remind us, what we sometimes forget. Sometimes we allow our thoughts, circumstances, life demands, work and every everything under the sun to distract us , and distract from who lives at the core of who we are. Sometimes we forget the creator. Sometimes we forget the blessings we have received and miracles witnessed. Sometimes we get distracted because our world is busy. Nonetheless,  “THERE IS AN APP FOR THAT,” We serve a King above all Kings, President of all leaders, we have direct connection to Jesus Christ who sits besides God; who knows what happens before anything begins; Jesus is our App!

    If I was you, I’d put it on computer, download the app to your iphone, andriod, kindle, nook, or computer. Review it in the morning, and any free time you get. Pray and know that Jesus will listen. Prayer is merely a conversation you would have with your best friend. God wants to bless you. God wants to show you mercy. God doesn’t want you to grieve, live with low-self esteem, crying nightly and feeling alone.

    God wants your to download him into your day, and allow spiritual formation to happen. I’m lucky to personally Dr. Sheryl W. Barnes and she is able to speak into my life. We pray together and she shows tough Holy Spirit filled love.

    I’m praying that for everyone who reads this blog finds a Dr.Barnes and a Pastor thirsty and after God’s own heart, like I have. Soak in everything they say because the breathe of life is just a vapor and what we do lasts on earth and determines our eternity.

    In Jesus Mighty Name!

    Amen

    1 comment on There’s an App for THAT!
  • THE UNHEARD VOICE

    31 Aug 2015
    Truth & Foster Care

    What you will read are words of the voices from youth, friends, family and church members,  whom at one time or another felt as though there voice was not heard. This post also consists of my experiences as well. I still attend church, just not as often. Remember, these are not the words of everyone, just those whom I’ve talked to and stopped attending church. This is not the truth about every church, nor every pastor but I believe that there are ways for us to improve, grow as a family, encourage hearts, show unconditional love and to teach the ways of Jesus. So the list below is what I’ve heard, the discussions I’ve had with people, and concerns that I’ve witnessed pastors saying during sermons over. Here are a few, but remember that there are ways for us to grow as a church and a community. Jesus wants to be in our hearts, and to remember we are the church, the individual! Not the Building!

    You wanna know the truth as to why we’ve stopped attending  church service, or don’t attend often? Here you go.

    1. Tradition has become more important than the souls of people
    2. Instead of transforming lives we to demand that people pay  in order to be blessed by God
    3. If we cannot  give a 50$ offering or more, we are basically told that God would not speak to us
    4. Youth are ignored; told to be seen not heard
    5. Worship has been forgotten. It doesn’t seem like we don’t know the truth behind authentic worship
    6. Judgment is prevalent, when no one is perfect; Jesus was the only perfect man to have lived on this earth
    7. We have selected parts of the bible to teach, and follow based on the anticipated amount of offering
    8. The question that lays heavy on my heart is : How can I use my God given gift, being authentic to myself and express whom God is to me, and what God means to me?
    9. There is a time limit on ministry, the word of God needs to be spoken in 20 minutes of less. Worship and praise cut short, establishing habitual tradition
    10. Programs and services are based on population number. I’ve had preachers say that “there’re not enough people present so we can go home.”
    11. The topic of Jesus, is sometimes lost in the sermon
    12. We preach condemnation of sin, with showing, the love that God has for us, despite our sin
    13. Is there even commitment to corporate worship, and freedom of praise, anymore?
    14. Church has become a fashion show; who looks the best, and who wore the best shoes
    15. What about the hurt, the pain and the deliverance people need?
    16. Teach me about what is means to be a Christ-follower and not your opinion!
    17. We see hate, discrimination, lack of tolerance and a lack of individuality, so we must pray, preach and sing like everyone else
    18. We’ve forgotten Christ’s true message, and instead convoluted the truth
    19. We haven’t consistently fed the hungry, sheltered the poor and educated our youth; its a once a week affair
    20. We blame the actions of hate, killings, and behaviors learned on public leaders, teacher, politicians for allowing such violence. When the truth is that the hate etc. started at home.

    Where is God ? I can’t find him! I see people, programs and tradition. The very tradition that Jesus broke. Everyone should be allowed in church, women, men, children, LGBTQ, minorities, the uneducated and those with a different ideologies and religion. Jesus welcomed these people, and we have shut them out.

    Will the true Christians STAND UP? Or are we are religious copy-cats, traditional copy-cats, and following money hungry preachers. There’s no reason why a mega preacher needs to be paid 10,000$ in order for them to do what Jesus said. The word of God is not something we need to pay for.

    I’m tired, in pain, confused and demanding a new revelation for your leaders and followers.  Young people, and congregates it is time to demand change, and know the word of God for ourselves.  Lives Matter. With so much hurt in the world, lack of peace, killings and tears are streaming from the eyes of of God’s children; remember all lives matter. This is when we need the church the most. We need Jesus. Not opinion! !Not politics. We need Jesus Christ!

    I want Jesus! I want more of him. I want to worship, individually, and corporately. I don’t want to be selfish. I want to minister to hearts. Heal the sick. Listen to the pain, and offer comfort in Jesus Name. I want a new filling of the Holy Spirit.

    I want something new. I’m called to preach the word of God. I’m called to worship. I’m called to educate the hearts of everyone, no matter their different walks of life. Maybe I’m just as guilty, but to the hearts I heart, those I didn’t listen to, those I’ve judge, assumptions I’ve made, promises broken, laziness and not practicing the life Life of JESUS. Forgive me, because my savior has!

    Something new is brewing.

    2 comments on THE UNHEARD VOICE
  • Happy Birthday, Big Brother!

    24 Aug 2015
    Truth & Foster Care

    My birthday is tomorrow. My birthday brings mixed feelings. This birthday I feel a lost, for my twin brother is like the prodigal son and I am the son doing what is right while our father [God] is pleased but seems to want my twin more.

    To my brother out there, happy birthday. I pray your day is a blessed one. It hurts me that this is another year that we as twins are separated but your words have penetrated my heart, you threatened the sister the came out the womb 11 minutes after you. You broke what was sacred.

    Hate and anger attempted to burden my heart. It’s easy to hate. It’s hard to forgive. However, if I don’t forgive a piece of my heart and mind will be distracted from my calling, my passion and my relationship with God.

    So know even though it’s best for us to be separate, I make it my job to reflect on only the good. I make it my job to speak positive about you. I make it my job to pray for your success, life, liberty and pursuit of true authentic happiness.

    The hurt you’ve caused will never out weigh the love I have for you, nor the love that God has for you. I love you big brother. I pray that you continue to find yourself in a world with little guidance. I pray you find God and are spiritually transformed. You deserve the good and abundant life that Jesus died to offer you.

    Know this is coming from my heart. Know I forgive you. Know I will not allow myself to be hurt repeatedly and abused, and I have learned to love from a distance.

    I know you will be a great man of God. I know that one day you will find him. I know you are a great artist and cook. I know you’re a man of many friends. I also know that you get lonely and feel misunderstood. Because I can feel it and you’re not alone.

    God, knew your pain before it started, he knows your finish before you have completed your final works on this earth. God just wants a relationship with you, to heal your mind and mend your broken heart. This is his birthday present for you.

    My birthday present to you is unconditional love, no judgment just prayers of blessings.

    To anyone who sees my twin, tell him I said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”

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