My Journey, My Style

My forever family

31 Dec 2014

Truth & Foster Care

Today 12/31/2014 is my last day as a ward of the state. I have officially aged out of Connecticut’s foster care system. I am on my own! No more social workers, stressful family visits and or six month reviews. At age 17 I meet a family that would become my forever family. I remember telling them that I was not meant for a family and that I didn’t know how to function within a family. . I warned my mom and family of my mental health, that it drains me and the people around me; every negative reason I could think of was my excuse because history had taught me that I was no good and didn’t deserve a family.

They took me in anyways. It was hard, I’m hospitalized often, we fought, I moved out, and moved back in. Some days I wanted to never talk to them again and we even hurt each other’s feelings. However, they didn’t get give up on me. Sometimes I wish they did. My mom said “you are the daughter we chose and sometimes families fight.” I’m still getting adjusted

Not to mention I have a “Dad.” I’m too blessed.

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Letter to Xih-Zephyrn Z. Zih

15 Dec 2014

My Story, Journal Style!

So I must be honest and say, I have my struggles. I struggle with mental health. I was diagnosed with psychosis (auditory and visual hallucinations), mood disorder NOS, adhd and borderline personality disorder. It’s a struggle to get out of bed. It’s a struggle to complete simple tasks. Like showering. Currently, I can’t work more than 30 hours a week. Which makes living hard. I am a full-time student, in therapy, with no job.

I struggle with feeling alone and feeling abandoned. I am very hard on myself, and expecting myself to be the best. Because good is never enough. I want to live a life driven on PURPOSE. To be effective, a motivator, history maker, public voice, leader, advocate and teacher.

I want what seems to be impossible. One day I hope to attend Yale Divinity School, Princeton Divinity School, or Chicago Theological Seminary. To go higher than any Dickey has gone!!! Make my Gramma proud. To talk with young people in foster care with low self-esteem, I want to be an “ear” for the next generation. I want them to succeed and help them so that eventually they can help someone else too.

I am not sure why I wrote this post, but I guess I wrote it to say:

Dear Xih,

I love you. You’re strong, and it’s okay to recognize that at times you’ll need help. Nothing happens overnight. You have survived foster care, abuse, rape, and neglect; you’ve been homeless and poor, and yet you pull through. Life will not always be this hard. There is a sun over the mountain. God is with you and loves you. You will attend great universities and earn your degrees. You’ll reach millions and inspire young people. You can make it, and you will make it. If no one says that they love you, know that I (you) love you. I (you) am cheering for you. I (you) will never let you down. Life is a journey, a play with no rehearsal. You’ve made it thus far; keep going until God calls your number. It’s okay to cry, for it does not mean that you are weak. You will succeed ‘n make it. You’re your only roadblock. God Bless. May God send His angels to cover you in your time of pain, depression, sadness, and success.

Love,

YOURSELF Xih Zephyrn Zih

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Good Bye Foster Care

11 Nov 2014

Truth & Foster Care

In a month in a half I will be aging out of the state foster care system, moving to a new state and attending a new university. I am not sure how I should feel. For the journey in foster care wasn’t an easy one but the state of CT foster care system became my parents. They raised me!

I guess in a way I feel institutionalized, I’ve always had health insurance, a place to stay (foster homes, shelters and group homes), and social workers. I will now have to pay co-pays for my medication, continue my education, afford my education; find housing on my own, and manage a job, school, church and mental health.

Life in 23 years has taught me to have a voice, advocate for myself, knowing that it’s okay to cry, my history has made me victorious and not a victim. I have not always had a stable family for support, I mean, my family did what they could; my biological mother tried and I have every right to hate her and my family for allowing me to get hurt and leaving me in a state system, but, it’s not how I am going to start my journey as a young adult and it wasn’t meant to be any other way.

I can’t believe it, I’ve survived and have successfully aged out of the the CT’s foster care system! No more court dates, family visits, worrying about living in group homes and foster families. It feels great. I feel freedom. I feel joy. I feel fear.

I am moving to another state (Florida) and attending Palm Beach Atlantic University. I have a new found responsibility of taking control of my life. I feel a release and a breakthrough from my past, my family, organize religion and labels. I’m starting over and free to live a life worth living for. I know my fears will subside and I will find my balance. I’ve been given the experience and support to make it.

I’m just excited to leave, and I hope when I am traveling to college that I see a sign that says:

Welcome Domenia L. Dickey to West Palm Beach, Florida and Palm Beach Atlantic University.

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My style

26 Sep 2014

Truth & Foster Care

God is not hate. God is not discrimination. God is a teacher, father, friend and helper. We are given freedom and freewill to dream, love, experience joy, discover true happiness the ability to laugh, hope, rights to fellowship freedom and JOY! This is the God that I serve. My universe! My higher power.

We have the strength, and if we are determined we will discover true peace; peace that surpasses all understandings.

United we stand together we can!

Love yah!

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