My Journey, My Style

We need them, too

21 Sep 2025

Journal Style!, Topic Thought.

To sit on a bench in a green is a privilege

To be able to see God in all His Glory

To be a naturalist is surreal

What happens when we see people sleeping on the grass and not for a nap, but as a bed

Do we look away

Do we drink our venti iced coffee and keep walking

Do we eat our pizza slices and walk

We need them too!

I’m talking about the homeless.

Today, I sat on a bench that I once slept on, homeless, in my early twenties

to see the number of homeless was heartbreaking

In the middle of Yale University, there were an endless number of homeless, hungry, and cold people.

I was reminded of my purpose that studying ministry is far more than preaching from a pulpit.

For me, it’s reaching out to those life has forgotten

We need them too!

Their lives matter, and they are worthy of dignity

When you see someone on the highway with a sign, their asks are not always for nefarious motives

People are hungry, thirsty, and need a hug

How can we call them Christians and not welcome them as one of us

We are all one paycheck away from being among them

A solid education doesn’t keep you from being homeless

A family doesn’t keep a family unit outside the shelter

We are no better than they are

If they need us, we need them too

The pain of homelessness weighs on the homeless like a bill you are dreading to pay

There are no food stamps for them because they have nowhere to cook

There is no SSDI or SSI because they don’t have an address

Even those like me on disability, food stamps, and Medicaid can only have these things because I have a home

I need them because I was one of them, and I need them

I don’t need them to boost my ego or build my pride

I need them to show the love of Christ

I need them to show respect and honor for them

I need them to be able to love

I need them to be able to feel and not be empty

I need them because I want them

I need you to want them too!

We never know their stories if we are too fearful to ask

We should listen

We need them

they’re not a burden or taking resources

They are not a problem for society

How prideful are we that we think our lives are better

They matter too

They have a name

They have a birthday

They have a story

They are someone’s child

They are someone’s sibling

They are someone’s loved ones

Bottom line, they too are a child of God

We need them! I want them! I love them!

I was them

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Provoked to Purpose

1 Aug 2025

Truth & Foster Care

Dear Friend,

I wanted to let you know that there is a reason you are born in the era you are born into. A reason why you like what you like, and hate what you hate. There is a reason why all the bad in life has happened to you, too. I believe it’s a divine reason. I cannot, and will not, pretend to know why bad things happen to good people, or children, or the elderly and disabled. I don’t pretend to understand the politics of today. I just felt led to let you know that, within your anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, frustration, pain, feelings of abandonment, confusion, and all that we feel, you, too, have a purpose in this life.

What’s that purpose? Only you can define it. I strongly believe that the pains of life, the strife and struggle, give us an opportunity to ask two things: what is this lesson here to teach me in order that I may grow? And, how is this provoking me to my purpose?

Please know that no purpose is too big or too small in order for us not to leave a revelation, to be open, to be wise, to share, to give, and to spread the good news of life with one another. Even in our times of struggling. Maybe if we count our blessings from the basics, of having feet that work, socks to wear, something to eat, something to have faith in for a better tomorrow, we will purge ourselves of the negative and see the beauty that life beholds.

I have this affirmation that I heard in a sermon tonight. “I will live on purpose. I will serve on purpose. I will pursue my purpose. I will die with purpose.” As a Christian, I believe in heaven and hell. I don’t know if the real reason people go to hell is just for evilness, because redemption is a free gift to all who accept it. I think it’s when Jesus asks us, What did we do with the life we were given? That, my friend, is what I believe seals our fate.

I want all my readers to read my blog and feel inspired and provoked in a loving way to their purpose. To know there is a human who cries at night without someone to wipe their tears, too. There is a person who knows what it means to be homeless, to live off of very little, who struggles daily with their mental health, struggles with food insecurity, and lives with chronic physical pain that no one can see. So that you may know that we may never meet, but you are not in this fight alone. You are not alone! Please, my brother, sister, non-binary siblings, don’t give up and don’t give in. Win instead, whatever winning looks like for you.

No one is the same. My purpose is to write, pursue higher education, to teach and preach the good news of the Gospel of Jesus. How this will happen, I have no idea, but I take it a win by win. Even if that means, in my worst mental and physical health days, all I do is shower or clean. I’m striving to make a difference. To live my life as an honest testimony of recovery from addiction, surviving childhood trauma, and being hungry and empty. I’m striving towards my win.

As I pray for you, too, to bear witness that you are a winner. You are a survivor. You are a lover. You are not bad, but amazingly talented. You are strong. You are capable. You can do it! You will do it.

Let this blog post be your start of a push to be provoked to purpose.

Blessings and Peace Unto You.

Xih-Zih

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I want you to be mad, too!

28 Jun 2025

Journal Style!, Topic Thought.

So currently, I have very little to no food that I can digest at home. It’s because it’s the end of the month and I’m waiting for SNAP. Mine were greatly decreased last month, so I bought less. And I’m mad! I have a damn right. Because we have a republican party, trying to take away Medicare, Medicaid, and SNAP.

This is a problem. If I am going hungry at 33 years old, and I cook healthy and only eat fresh foods. Can you imagine a mother of three to five kids? Imagine these children in the world’s richest country going hungry so rich people can have a tax break.

Let’s make it worse, there are already work requirements for SNAP and Medicaid. Medicare premiums increase by over $40 a year. Cutting Medicaid doesn’t mean people won’t get sick, it means less money for rural hospitals, closing state programs for the elderly and disabled. It means that Meals on Wheels will end, and those children, teens, and young adults with eating disorders won’t get their protein shakes to keep them alive. Parents are being required to work, but republicans want to cut Head Start and preschool, so how are they going to work if there isn’t a safe space for the children to be?

Are you mad, yet? Because I am.

I make 1283 a month. My rent is 283. My monthly bills are 597.95$. I pay for copays, and I’m a graduate student in seminary school, and I’m shelling out $155-250 for books every 8 to 10 weeks. I have to pay for my disability transportation, so another $100. I also have a pet rabbit, Jhonni Root-Canal, whose monthly expenses are about $75 a month. When I do my budget for the rest of the month, I’m left with $72.05 for the month. Which is $18.01 a week. So, one haircut a month. So before Republicans get all righteous and you believe we on support/entitlement programs are living a lavish life and not working, look at my budget. I’m permanently disabled, with physical disabilities as well as mental disabilities. So, what luxurious life am I living? What luxury of life do the poor lead? Why do those who can afford to rent a venue in Venice for a wedding (Jeff Bezos) need a tax break? Do you think those who voted for Trump really think he is going to keep his promises when, in the first six months, we almost entered a war? This big, beautiful bill is self-destructive for our country.

Are you mad, yet?

I think we need to think of USAID and how Trump and Musk destroyed it along with PEPFAR programs, and now those who rely on Nut paste, rice, HIV-AIDs prevention medication, and even gasoline so countries can run ambulances for pregnant women can survive. It’s estimated that over 35k children and women have died in one to two months. So if you voted for Trump, blood is on your hands. How do you feel about voting for a man who is willing to kill children and women, and keep epidemics expanding beyond the shores of Africa?

Are you mad, yet?

What about ICE? They arrested a woman in my community bringing her child to school. What’s worse is my birth mom, who voted for Trump, that child she used to tutor and help teach as a paraprofessional. She voted for a man when she had been democratic since the 1991 election. All because she was manipulated and now believes FOX News that ICE is only arresting criminals. Obama deported more than Trump. What my mother doesn’t know is that these deportees can now be sent to any country, not even their native countries.

Are you mad, yet?

Where’s the anger at? When I speak of anger, I don’t mean viciously angry or wanting to cause harm. I mean righteous anger, holy anger, passion, and desire.

Xih-Zih

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I hear you. I see you. I love you!!!

17 Jun 2025

faith, Journal Style!, Topic Thought.

Dear Friends,

I don’t want to be famous or well known for being an orator, preacher, advocate, or any of the sorts. I want to be known for my compassion, unconditional love, peace, holding your tears, and carrying them with me. I want people to know I see you, I hear you, and I love you. So many people, including myself, are hurting and feel lost. It’s Pride month, and as a community, it’s hard to celebrate because we are fighting for justice, peace, and solidarity. I think the church has gotten it wrong for all these years. They tried to pray the gay away, conversion therapy, while speaking harsh and condemning words, and calling it the Gospel of Christ.

That is not the Jesus I know, and I wish you would get to know him. Christ is the essence of peace, the essence of healing, the embodiment of what it means to sacrifice to a stranger, whose message was love above all else, and to be a friend in one’s darkest hours. I think and wonder, ‘What is life about? What does it matter? After all, there is so much darkness, and it’s overwhelming and all-consuming. Then I remember my faith, and it says I hear you, I see you, and I love you. Families are torn apart, mothers against daughters, fathers against sons, and trans and nonbinary youth are fighting for existence.

Sometimes it seems as though hope, dreams. Aspirations and goals are a figment of one’s imagination. However, let me speak words of encouragement. The fight is hard, but success is not inevitable. You will make it. You will succeed. Please don’t kill yourself on the words, actions, and false narratives of others.

Know your truth and live it; however, live it with integrity, grit, and resilience.

If no one says ‘I love you, ‘I appreciate you,’ and the likes, please know there is a creator that does, and friends, partners, and sects of people you have not met that do love you, appreciate, and believe your life is a life worth living. Death is for eternity, and life is for but a moment.

You’re the child of a king, a king who sits high and looks low. A king who calls you his beloved and sends angels to protect you.

To be transparent, I am broken too, and healing from trauma daily. I battle insecurity, self-doubt, self-hate, and feelings of unworthiness, guilt, shame, and embarrassment. It takes one person, one community, one God, and healing begins. When I first attended my church, ECV, I went for prayer and heard the words as a trans man that I am God’s beloved. God isn’t mad at me, does not hate me, but has a consuming amount of love for me. That was the journey to a family not of blood but of Christ’s spirit and human decency.

I acknowledge that not everyone will believe in God or Jesus. However, to whom you call your higher power is, I believe, he, she, or it/they believes the same thing that my God and Savior believes in me. You are special, one of a kind, priceless, a limited edition, and have a calling to this world in some capacity. Live out your calling, don’t let your colors fade, smile in the rain, rejoice in the cold weather, and be triumphant in the cool and hot sun of the summer.

You’re more than what your bank account says, greater than your living situation, and more than the level of your education and/or socioeconomic status.

Don’t let anyone define you with labels that you don’t adopt. Adopt the labels of beloved, gracious, peace, wisdom, sparks of energy, and the greatest gift to the earth for the era you were born in and the times that you live in. Fight a good fight and get into good and worthy trouble. Never losing who you are, but an ever-evolving spirit, being on the bumpy road to better. We are spiritual beings having a humanistic experience!

I see you. I hear you. I love you.

Blessings and Peace Unto You.

Xih-Zih

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