My Journey, My Style

Perspective Foster Parents

27 May 2014

Topic Thought., Truth & Foster Care

Dear Perspective Foster Parents,

I am writing this letter as a veteran of the Connecticut’s foster care system for six years and counting. I believe I should say thank-you for opening your home and providing love to a child or teenager. Thank-you! I also want to warn you and to let you know what you have just agreed to. This letter is a warning and to let you know, our hearts have been broken, confusion clutters our minds, we are looking for a family to be belong to. School may not be a our top priority, for we are trying to find ourselves and where we belong in this big cold world.

We might not fit in with your sons and daughters. It’s not your fault if we are quiet, shrugging our shoulders as if they are answers to your questions. It’s not you, no, it’s our past, about our mothers, sisters, fathers and brothers.We are children of the system; fighting to defy the worlds statistics.

Question: How do we make it? How do we fit in? We have a trash bag with our name on it and a shattered heart with unanswered questions. We don’t get to pick our homes; no, we are told were to sleep, eat and shit. Are, you in it until the end? When the road gets tough will you give up?

I promise it won’t be easy. Did I mention I’m mentally ill? Sometimes we don’t believe we are worth much, so the streets and gangs show us “true” love. Will you hug us at night? Or will I once again cry myself to sleep?

Did I tell you we have a diagnosis? We were told that we are bipolar, psychotic, ADD/ADHD, schizophrenic, bulimic, anorexic and much more. We’ll fight for your love and discipline; hugs and kisses. I’ll party, smoke weed, cut my arms and much more. I have a lot of baggage and it’s important for you to know what you just signed up for.

Our life is like a broken mirror, can we together put the pieces together? We know how to draw. We can sing. We can write. We love to act and dance. We’re not all broken pieces. We love school. We hate school. We’re more than a statistics and the stigmas are lies. Don’t give up on us. We need you until the end.

Thank-you for choosing to be my new mentor, mom and dad.

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A daughter’s heart.

23 Nov 2013

Truth & Foster Care

Dear moms,

Take care of your daughters and cherish them daily. To have a relationship with my mother has been nothing far from a dream. I see mothers and daughters together and I cry because I have not lived with my mother since I was eight years of age. The last real hug I received, that I could feel the love and energy was in the 1st grade. I have people who have taken the mother role in my life, and I am grateful, however; a hug and or kiss from the woman who gave birth to me would be grand.

I asked God, why did he deal me this deck of cards? He never answered my question. I am a 23 year old, working, and attending school full-time and in yet there is this void……

Where do I belong and who do I belong too? I’ll keep searching until I find the right answer. ((huggs))

5 comments on A daughter’s heart.
Christian Reflection

2 Nov 2013

Topic Thought.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I believe in the Holy Spirit.

Lets get that straight.

I don’t pray as much as I should. In my head I tell myself that I don’t want to be that individual that prays when things are only wrong and to not be grateful for the good. Prayers isn’t a ritual and there is no right way to go about it, it’s a simple conversation from the heart.

I recently lost my job. I’m still not over it. Yes, yes I did pray to God for another job; who wouldn’t? However I begin to rest my mind and reflect on my past. I am a survivor. I survived rape, beatings, homelessness, hunger, being dirty, broke and alone; I will do it again. I prayed and thank-God for the opportunity to stop and reflect. It sucks to not have a job, but there will be another one.

I called my mom to tell her I feel at peace. I expressed that I am not troubled and I feel like a solider who just devoured their enemies.

In the book of Matthew, there is a story about how we are not to worry for tomorrow. For tomorrow has always taken care of itself. The example that was given were pigeons, who don’t worry about there next meal is but they know it will be there. We are expected to lean on God, and believe that God knows what’s best. If a pigeon doesn’t worry, then why should I. It’s an example. An analogy.

We are spiritual beings having a humanistic experience. Like Peter who used his faith and walked on water to Jesus. I’ll use mine and live day by day

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Note to self!

14 Sep 2013

Topic Thought.

WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS HAVING A HUMANISTIC EXPERIENCE. -PASTOR PAULA WHITE

Hmmmmmm…

We are world changers and history makers! By changing ourselves, growing and learning through education, and we are on a spiritual and physical journey. We are all given obstacles that makes our journey different, given a problem to solve and a ladder to climb.

We can either “fight” or “flight.” Our choice. Our decision. Our Journey. Our style.

We are not the only ones affected by our change. We are not the only ones impacted by our decisions to go “left” or “right.” However, this is a personal choice!

There are those who blame their past; they blame the abuse, mistreatment, neglect and abandonment as a reason for their actions. No matter what has happened, God still gives us freewill. I am not trying to demeanor your experience but I am not playing the “sympathy” card either. We are not given more than we can bare. We can make it and will, if we want to!

I firmly believe that there is a soul that we are meant to connect with. I believe that there is a heart we are meant to help heal. There is a child or adult waiting to hear your story, so that they might continue the “good fight” of faith because they too are “world changers and history makers.”

We stand in the middle of our path and future. We stand in between our past and God given destiny.

We are all given a task some big and small. However, both are important, not one more than the other. Our task is something that only we can do, and, is not something we can hand to someone else.

I used to ask God why me? What did I do to deserve such pain? I told God I hated him because I couldn’t understand his way of thinking. Children are innocent but in yet are hurt. Why?

I never got an answer to every question. However I thought about my life and the over-comers that I now know, and the journey and heart that I have. I say thank-you because now I’m on a mission to speak to every heart that has an ear to listen. I have a destiny and it’s to touch millions in all nations.

My journey. My style

7 comments on Note to self!

Perspective Foster Parents

A daughter’s heart.

Christian Reflection

Note to self!