My Journey, My Style

Foster Care

23 Apr 2013

Truth & Foster Care

Babies, toddlers, pre-teens, teenagers and young adults who are in care across this world who feel as though they are not meant to be a apart of a family; believing that they break up families; thinking they are the problem. This is a LIE! Untrue! Every one wants the babies, but what about us; the:

– “big kids” the ones with a history
– mental illness
– insecurities
– wanna be thugs
– outcasts

What about US! What about US?

I told my foster mother at the age of 17, that I was a child not meant for a family. I believed I was the cause of hurt, that I bring instability, and break hearts. I had to remind her I’m bipolar, I come with baggage. I am out spoken and I don’t hold back my voice. She didn’t care, I was still taken in.

We need more of theses individuals. If you can’t be a mom or a dad, what about being a mentor. We need to know that there is something else out there.We need to know that we are not limited by our circumstances. We can live a healthy life, we can attend college, we have a voice and we matter. We need to know at night that:

-pain
-tears
-being misunderstood
-anger
-disappointment
-forgiveness with in ourselves

will pass away. “this too shall pass” was the words that I held onto, at 21 life is scary, tomorrow I can be homeless, tomorrow I could be alone without help, but I have to believe that “this too shall pass” and there is much more to my journey. I have more teens to connect with, more speeches to prepare for, more souls and heart to connect with.

What about “US.” What about “US” We need you!

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Boston Marathon

16 Apr 2013

Topic Thought.

You will make it through this! You are not alone you have a nation standing beside you, praying for you. You are stronger than you know, you’ll make, you’ll shed tears,you’ll scream, curse God, you will feel fear; this is expected for we are human created and programmed with emotions. No matter what, you’ll make it through this, I won’t stop praying until every heart has been healed and every child can sleep without fear. It may take years, but it will be worth it. You’ll make it, you’ll find strength that you never thought you had, and you are going to change history and the faith of humanity will be restored once again. This too shall pass.

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Change of Seasons.

2 Dec 2012

Topic Thought., Truth & Foster Care

The truth is that everyone in your life is there for a season. As we know seasons come and go and so do people in our lives. We will have friends and family members who are meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time, that can be a few years, a life time, a month or a few days. It’s important to recognize that and to be thankful for them being there and what they have contributed to your life.

The hardest is when it’s family but it’s true. I always say, be thankful for what they taught you, and the time you spent together and also respect and know that as time continues and you grow, you change and so does others around you. Life is about growth, adjustment, change and developing into the person you were predestined to be.

You can do all things for I believe God has given you strength to accomplish every obstacle and climb every mountain. You were predestined to do great things and to reach out, to help another individual reach higher heights in their own life.

I truly believe we do not live life for ourselves. I truly believe we are connected to others for a reason and that reason is to grow! I believe that there are people that we are meant to connect with, and there are people waiting to hear your story, shake your hand, open a door to another area in life.

So I say trust God (or whom ever you believe in) and know that at every tunnel there is a light and you don’t struggle, cry, or experience life’s journey just because. there is someone who is waiting to hear your truth, there is another person or persons that your are meant to connect with and for the two of you to be an added light in this world to make a better place. There are people who will be against such change, and will try to bring you down, and hurt and attempt to stop you from growing. You will cry, scream, sometimes feel alone abandoned etc..but you have to keep pushing there is more to your life then you can see right now. I promise!

So don’t be afraid of letting go, even if it’s your mom, brother/sister, best friend, father or grandmother. You have to continue to grow and don’t let anyone stop you. I pray this blog reaches someone and they continue their journey with faith in themselves and their purpose. Seasons change and we grow.

Love you all!

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Thanksgiving and foster care

22 Nov 2012

Truth & Foster Care

There was a time when I was young in foster care when I switched from different homes, group homes, and foster homes and all I had were two trash bags and a teddy bear. I clearly remember laying on a bed and wishing it was mine forever. I remember be counted as homeless and sent to live in a shelter with grown boys 45mins away from my home city. I was 11 years old. I remember I went a half a winter without a coat. I had a sweatshirt until my aunt gave me a coat. I cried. To this day I don’t think she knows how grateful I am for that coat.

I remember waiting for my mom to visit and she never showed up. I remember late nights when my grandma would hold me and tell me it’s okay, grandma is here. I remember crying because my mother either didn’t show up or was late for court dates, family sessions- you name it.

I know what it’s like to have family members call you a liar, being bullied by cousins and feeling alone. I remember writing in my diary hoping to find the perfect parents so my twin and I could live together one more time. I wrote list of people I prayed that God would tell them to be my foster mom or dad.

I remember living in group homes and getting only weekend visits with my grandma and aunts. I know what it’s like to only have enough clothes for the week, using toilet paper as a maxi pad, one tooth brush, switching social workers every day, trying to comb my “thick” hair, spending my 13th birthday in a psych ward, I tried to kill myself because I felt so alone, granted visits twice a month with my twin, hardly seeing my family, my teddy bear became that home for me. I remember being sexually abused by the age of 6, and tortured by my twin. I know what it’s like to see your mom get beat have her life threatened. I know what it’s like to have a gun pointed to your head and forced to give a stranger oral sex and I know what it’s like to be poor and having only Kool-Aid and spaghetti to eat for dinner.

The last true hug I received from my mom, I was in first grade and she honestly said that I love you.

This is the first thanksgiving where I have a job, apartment, my same teddy bear, attend college, a computer and a family I created over the years; I have more than three coats, I have clothes that I bought with my own money, my family and I are connected and trying to reach out to one another. I’m thankful for my journey and my continue success.

It’s the little things that makes me happy. I didn’t get to see my twin this holiday, but I know he feels my love and my energy.

Happy Thanksgiving

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Foster Care

Boston Marathon

Change of Seasons.

Thanksgiving and foster care