Tag: love

Provoked to Purpose

1 Aug 2025

Truth & Foster Care

Dear Friend,

I wanted to let you know that there is a reason you are born in the era you are born into. A reason why you like what you like, and hate what you hate. There is a reason why all the bad in life has happened to you, too. I believe it’s a divine reason. I cannot, and will not, pretend to know why bad things happen to good people, or children, or the elderly and disabled. I don’t pretend to understand the politics of today. I just felt led to let you know that, within your anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, frustration, pain, feelings of abandonment, confusion, and all that we feel, you, too, have a purpose in this life.

What’s that purpose? Only you can define it. I strongly believe that the pains of life, the strife and struggle, give us an opportunity to ask two things: what is this lesson here to teach me in order that I may grow? And, how is this provoking me to my purpose?

Please know that no purpose is too big or too small in order for us not to leave a revelation, to be open, to be wise, to share, to give, and to spread the good news of life with one another. Even in our times of struggling. Maybe if we count our blessings from the basics, of having feet that work, socks to wear, something to eat, something to have faith in for a better tomorrow, we will purge ourselves of the negative and see the beauty that life beholds.

I have this affirmation that I heard in a sermon tonight. “I will live on purpose. I will serve on purpose. I will pursue my purpose. I will die with purpose.” As a Christian, I believe in heaven and hell. I don’t know if the real reason people go to hell is just for evilness, because redemption is a free gift to all who accept it. I think it’s when Jesus asks us, What did we do with the life we were given? That, my friend, is what I believe seals our fate.

I want all my readers to read my blog and feel inspired and provoked in a loving way to their purpose. To know there is a human who cries at night without someone to wipe their tears, too. There is a person who knows what it means to be homeless, to live off of very little, who struggles daily with their mental health, struggles with food insecurity, and lives with chronic physical pain that no one can see. So that you may know that we may never meet, but you are not in this fight alone. You are not alone! Please, my brother, sister, non-binary siblings, don’t give up and don’t give in. Win instead, whatever winning looks like for you.

No one is the same. My purpose is to write, pursue higher education, to teach and preach the good news of the Gospel of Jesus. How this will happen, I have no idea, but I take it a win by win. Even if that means, in my worst mental and physical health days, all I do is shower or clean. I’m striving to make a difference. To live my life as an honest testimony of recovery from addiction, surviving childhood trauma, and being hungry and empty. I’m striving towards my win.

As I pray for you, too, to bear witness that you are a winner. You are a survivor. You are a lover. You are not bad, but amazingly talented. You are strong. You are capable. You can do it! You will do it.

Let this blog post be your start of a push to be provoked to purpose.

Blessings and Peace Unto You.

Xih-Zih

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I hear you. I see you. I love you!!!

17 Jun 2025

faith, Journal Style!, Topic Thought.

Dear Friends,

I don’t want to be famous or well known for being an orator, preacher, advocate, or any of the sorts. I want to be known for my compassion, unconditional love, peace, holding your tears, and carrying them with me. I want people to know I see you, I hear you, and I love you. So many people, including myself, are hurting and feel lost. It’s Pride month, and as a community, it’s hard to celebrate because we are fighting for justice, peace, and solidarity. I think the church has gotten it wrong for all these years. They tried to pray the gay away, conversion therapy, while speaking harsh and condemning words, and calling it the Gospel of Christ.

That is not the Jesus I know, and I wish you would get to know him. Christ is the essence of peace, the essence of healing, the embodiment of what it means to sacrifice to a stranger, whose message was love above all else, and to be a friend in one’s darkest hours. I think and wonder, ‘What is life about? What does it matter? After all, there is so much darkness, and it’s overwhelming and all-consuming. Then I remember my faith, and it says I hear you, I see you, and I love you. Families are torn apart, mothers against daughters, fathers against sons, and trans and nonbinary youth are fighting for existence.

Sometimes it seems as though hope, dreams. Aspirations and goals are a figment of one’s imagination. However, let me speak words of encouragement. The fight is hard, but success is not inevitable. You will make it. You will succeed. Please don’t kill yourself on the words, actions, and false narratives of others.

Know your truth and live it; however, live it with integrity, grit, and resilience.

If no one says ‘I love you, ‘I appreciate you,’ and the likes, please know there is a creator that does, and friends, partners, and sects of people you have not met that do love you, appreciate, and believe your life is a life worth living. Death is for eternity, and life is for but a moment.

You’re the child of a king, a king who sits high and looks low. A king who calls you his beloved and sends angels to protect you.

To be transparent, I am broken too, and healing from trauma daily. I battle insecurity, self-doubt, self-hate, and feelings of unworthiness, guilt, shame, and embarrassment. It takes one person, one community, one God, and healing begins. When I first attended my church, ECV, I went for prayer and heard the words as a trans man that I am God’s beloved. God isn’t mad at me, does not hate me, but has a consuming amount of love for me. That was the journey to a family not of blood but of Christ’s spirit and human decency.

I acknowledge that not everyone will believe in God or Jesus. However, to whom you call your higher power is, I believe, he, she, or it/they believes the same thing that my God and Savior believes in me. You are special, one of a kind, priceless, a limited edition, and have a calling to this world in some capacity. Live out your calling, don’t let your colors fade, smile in the rain, rejoice in the cold weather, and be triumphant in the cool and hot sun of the summer.

You’re more than what your bank account says, greater than your living situation, and more than the level of your education and/or socioeconomic status.

Don’t let anyone define you with labels that you don’t adopt. Adopt the labels of beloved, gracious, peace, wisdom, sparks of energy, and the greatest gift to the earth for the era you were born in and the times that you live in. Fight a good fight and get into good and worthy trouble. Never losing who you are, but an ever-evolving spirit, being on the bumpy road to better. We are spiritual beings having a humanistic experience!

I see you. I hear you. I love you.

Blessings and Peace Unto You.

Xih-Zih

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Permission & YOU!

29 May 2025

Journal Style!, My Story, Topic Thought.

You have permission to live a life worth living.

You have permission to love who you love

You have permission to be transgender, non-binary, and whoever you feel as though you are.

You have permission to worship the deity of your choice

You have the right to healthcare and free education for minors and college students

You have permission to not be a statistic and survive out of poverty.

You have permission to be educated

You have to right to run for political office, making your voice heard

You have the right to respect, dignity, integrity, humility, and everything good from your fellow neighbors

You have the right to grow

You have permission to feel whatever emotions you are feeling, and they are all valid

You have permission to live with dignity as a chronically ill person, mentally ill, and physically limited, with access to services to give you a life worth living.

You have permission to be respected.

You have permission to grieve when a life is stolen, when you are hurting; your grief is valid and should be met with empathy.

You have the right to have safe housing

You have permission to raise powerful, world-changing, and history-making children

You have permission to attend a trade school vs. a university because not everyone is meant for school, but all are meant to do well.

Working at Amazon, being a truck driver, being a case manager, CNA, PCA, dumpster truck driver, working in warehouses, and these are worthy and needed jobs.

You have a right to be loved unconditionally and make the family you want to make.

You have permission to explore life and evolve with each experience you encounter, good and bad.

You are free to be gay, straight, lesbians, transgender, intersex, omnisexual, pansexual, asexual, demi sexual, bi sexual, poly, two spirited, black, white, hispanic, indian, brown skin, and free to express your self in drag; you have permission to express your identity and gender expression as fluid as it may be.

You have permission to have sex and experience sexual intimacy, however you feel is right for you

You have permission to be YOU

You have permission to walk in pride in your recovery

YOU are wonderful

YOU are amazing

You are talented

You are beautiful, handsome, and fine as wine

You are a one-of-a-kind, after you, there will never be another you.

You are loved and beloved by God/Jesus

You are spectacular

You are a work of art designed to be unique and worth trillions more than what money can buy.

You are, you don’t be ashamed

Don’t walk with your head low.

Don’t walk oppressed and suppressed

Walk in Power.

Walk in Strength

Walk in confidence

Walk in integrity

Walk with grit and resiliency

Walk in knowing not everyone will like you, but you are you, YOU love you, and are beloved by the universe

Lastly,

I give you permission to live out your God given potential, reaching self-actualization.

End.

Xih-Zih

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Aunt Susan! I love you!!!!!!

2 Apr 2025

Journal Style!

Dear Aunt Susan,

I wanted the world to know how you chose to love me and be my aunt for 9 years. There is no color barrier with you. There is no alternative motive with you. I love you with all my heart. You give me hope, peace, and belief in my future.

Family does not need to be blood relatives. You love me because I don’t know, but I don’t question your authenticity. You understand me mentally, personally, and academically.

I pray you look in the mirror and know you are changing lives. You speak for the marginalized, and you’re an advocate for the community. You support me as your trans nephew when people have let me go. You accept me as a gay man, and I can’t wait for the day you walk me down the aisle. I can’t wait to graduate as a pastor and see you in the rows at graduation.

You’ve raised an amazing son with a heart of gold. A young man carrying your soul and spirit. I love sending you chain texts. Because I don’t want you to forget that I love you for one day. I pray for you often for joy, happiness, and peace. You’ve given me an uncle and an amazing cousin.

You’ve impacted me so much that my first daughter will be named after you. Your impact and legacy will live beyond your years. Now you are a little cooky, funny, random, and bizarre. But this is what makes you amazing. You work within the LGBTQI+ mental health community, changing lives individually. Making people feel heard and loved. Thank-you!!!

I’m in tears writing this because I can’t accurately say the impact you’ve had on my life and the help in spirit and soul you have had. When people who said they loved me abandoned me, you chose to love me and said you’d do it again.

This is our 9-year anniversary, and I’m just in awe! Thank you for being the human that you are. You may not profess to be a Christian, but you’re more of a Christian than those who profess to be.

I’m a pain, and you love me. I’m stubborn, and you love me. You saw my heart when I had given up. You sound a lot like Jesus, my savior. Please be kind, gentle, loving , and self-validating as the person you are. You’re amazing. You’re outstanding. You’re mind-blowingly funny. You’re a jewel to the world!

Blessings and peace be unto you,

Nephew Xih-Zih.

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