I had been molested as a child for many years. As a child, I was abused, molested, and almost killed. Emotionally, physically, and psychologically neglected. I never saw the future. I always prayed to get through the day until I had a “divine intervention.”

Last night I was raped and discarded by a neighbor. I called Planned Parenthood and was rejected. I called my queer clinic and was seen the very next morning. I still haven’t showered all the way; it’s been almost 24 hrs. I called my pastors, aunts, my brothers, and sisters; but no one answered. I called on my trans brothers, and they texted me till morning. I called my mentor and woke her baby bear up, and she texted me till morning. I texted everyone I knew and told them what happened. In the morning, people thankfully reached out. I didn’t want sympathy. I just wanted prayer. Because I’ve been here before as a 5 year through age 8; all I knew was prayer.

I felt that by being touched and thrusted, bent over, then discarded by a man that I was less than a man because I had a vagina and a beard. Though I look like a man, a part of me someone had taken advantage of. A part of me could still become pregnant. A part of me was stolen a portion of me thouht I was to blame. I felt shame, disgust, loneliness, and grief. I felt invaluable because I had to get examined. Then the doctor said to me, “This h to cis men too. Body parts don’t make you less than a man it is your mind, body, soul, and heart that makes you who you are.”

I was given antibiotics PREP and PEP. I went home in pain, my pelvis still in pain, I can’t really walk physically. I wasn’t but I listened to the wisdom of an old man named Bishop T.D Jakes and a younger man named Pastor Keion Henderson, and another man named Pastor Steven Furtick. Felt peace as the word of God was being preached, I realized I had had a “divine intervention.”

I keep saying to everyone I must leave these impoverished areas, get off food stamps and social security. Because what was a help (besides SSDI) is a hindrance. Then Bishop T.D. Jakes said, “We are broken, blessed, then we are given.”Life breaks us (or attempts), and then there is a holy brokenness and then “divine intervention.” Then you are blessed and you are given. Given means you pour into the life of others, and when you pour into the life of other people, it then life is given back to you (me)!

People tell me to press charges, call and go to the ER. I’ve done that before and was called a liar. I went to an LGBTQIA+ clinic and was believed. It’s not my job to get even. Justice was given to me when Jesus died for me. Justice was given to me when I believe that angels heard my cry and let me escape with life. Many trans people who are raped are either then killed or killed themselves. “Divine Intervention.”

I always saw a lack in my life not seeing all God blessed me with, a job, a great boss whom I love with the Love of Christ, and her name’s Joy, a mentor when I was homeless, bought me clothes, food, a coat, and gave me money. I can’t fit the coat anymore but I’ll never give it away for it is a reminder of where I’ve come from. To this abuser, I forgive you. I choose not to report him because he is mentally ill and has a seizure disorder, and I don’t want him in jail where he will get no care nor on the streets homeless. Because I know what it’s like to be dirty, with no food, begging for a dollar to buy water from Dunkin Donuts, taking a bath in the ocean with soap from the dollar store, and sleeping in a park. Where people are having sex, shooting up, drugs carrying weapons, and knives! I couldn’t wish that on a soul. I do pray he specifically finds Jesus Chris the Risen One and his heart, and mind are healed. That’s what you call justice.

I live in the hood, but, I have my life. I live in the atmosphere of poverty but it is not who I am. I know these are training days, and I will be delivered. I will buy a home, get married, start my own company, be a TRANS MINISTER. I will get accepted to Yale Seminary and graduate top of my class. I will graduate from WNMU with an MSW and MBA. I’m not gonna give up because I’m hungry some nights, I’m not gonna give up because I go cold in the winter, I’m not gonna give up because a man raped another man. I’m not gonna give up because I’m bipolar, schizophrenic and transgender, and pansexual. If anything I’m going to fight harder and dedicate myself to studying the word of God, volunteer at my church, I’m going to pray and pray to the God I serve without fear, I’ll be able to walk and run again without pain, and will fight for my future. Though, I battle thoughts of shame, fear, and sadness.

There’s a scripture in the bible that says, “Weeping may endure for but JOY comes in the morning and My morning is coming I can feel and see the sun. There’s another scripture that says, “I will reap if I faint not.” Another scripture says, I will soar with wings like an eagle, walk and not be weary, run and not faint.” The Bible isn’t a book that says queer people, drug addicts, gamblers, etc., are going to hell. and there is no hope for them. Quite the contrary Jesus says, “I have hopes and dreams for your future.” Jesus says, “To believe in Him, He will give you life and life more abundantly. I was just raped and am still .bleeding, and I have hope and joy for my future. I’m sent here to tell all those who ar,e queer, lesbian, gay, transgender, asexual, nonbinary, agender, questioning, or bisexual that Jesus loves you, approves of you and you are his CHILD whom he is well pleased with. You can be a believer and a preacher, you will reach your goals, and before you die if you believe that he died, rose on the third day, repent (just mean to be, honest about where you are in life, not that you did something wrong) your life will be full of joy in the midst of every struggle. You will reach fulfillment and live in eternity in heaven. Live to see old age!

I feel the Holy Spirit on this post. I believe that my being stripped, naked raped without a condom ad then told to leave was meant to add to my testimony and not defeat me or make me bitter. But for me to have the courage to spread it with the world 24 hrs later and say, God is real. God didn’t do this to me, but, He (Jesus) will use my pain for glory days. I’m covered by angels. I feel my helper and he is always near. I am not abandoned. I will find love and make love. I will be a father, to 5 children from different nations. My business will reach nationally and internationally, and I will leave my children’s, children an inheritance, and make my ancestors in heaven proud/. I will die at 100. See my grandma, and say, “Mama, I made a difference and made God proud.”

I’m a writer, businessman, entrepreneur, preacher, and teacher. I’m a scholar and will touch and preach to LGBTQIA+ people the hope of God in Christ and see generations of foster care children’s lives change, build a school, for the learning disabled, and LGBTQ kids safe. I will start scholarships, help change institutional and poverty mindsets; to freedom mindsets, and make them believers in themselves. I just got a revelation Poverty isn’t only where I live but it is where my mind is at!

God just gave me “DIVINE INTERVENTION”.

Be Blessed

-Domenia Xih Zih