We were not meant to live this life alone.

We were not meant to suffer alone.

We were not meant to cry, go hungry, and be in pain alone.

Likewise, we were not meant to experience joy, laughter, and happiness alone.

I struggle with severe mental health from different personalities, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and autism and sometimes I feel like I too suffer alone.

But it’s not the truth.

We all need a tribe Pastor Kyanna said on Sunday

We all need a place to belong, a place of worship, a place of relationship, and a place of being

Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually.

I’m a Christian and I know from my bible not even Jesus walked alone, there was someone to help him carry the cross, even when he died and surrendered his last breath with another human too.

If Jesus needed someone so do WE!

I only get hugs on Sundays. I don’t get kisses. My last family hug was from my Aunt Sue. My pastors hug me, my therapists hug me and supernaturally God hugs me. But honestly, it’s still not enough.

I had a meltdown this past Friday in between personas and hallucinations; it was a dark and scary moment. I cried and today Sunday 2:58am tears still flow. I went hungry for 4 days. Only water to fill my stomach. A minister gave me money for food I ordered through Walmart and my order was put on hold, eventually cancelled and it takes 10 days to get my money back. I was weak, tired, angry, sad, feeling empty and self-pity.

I went to work with a smile, went to church with a smile, and heard a sermon like many from ECV that changed my life.

We are not meant to do this thing, this experiment is called life alone. Life is hard, life is complicated and we need each other.

It shouldn’t be about our politics, Trump or Biden, faiths, sexual orientation, sexual identity or income or educational advancements

We need to be human and connect and listen to everyone who is hurting. You never know what you are going through until you walk in someone else’s shoes.

The average person wouldn’t think I struggle with food insecurity, mental health, and loneliness if you met me. I excel in school but the average person would not know how hard I work.

It’s not about our limitations and it shouldn’t be an excuse but we all know the struggle is real.

My heart is in this post because on Friday I realized I don’t remember the last time I was held when I cried maybe when my grandma held me in the absence of my mother. I have mom figures but no mom. I have a foster mom, god mom, and spiritual mom and when I asked just for a hug for my birthday they all said “no”. I have no father and my twin brother and I are estranged for the better.

So I struggle alone then I realized that it was a choice. I have a tribe from my trans bros to my church. It’s a unique tribe but it’s mine.

Be encouraged and find your tribe, be loyal a giver, and a receiver. That’s why I get so happy when I’m a thither because I’m giving back to my home church that pours life into me.

Suicide comes to mind sometimes and I wonder who will plant my tree with my ashes. Then I think of life and my ancestors and how I am the answer to four generations ago a great-grandmother and father I am an answered prayer of a former slave. Then I say to myself push on.

I want to live abundantly without lack and financial struggles and I feel like those days coming sooner rather than later. Be encouraged and encourage yourself.

Be encouraged and live on

Be encouraged and call on your tribe. Call on your God. Call on Jesus. Buddha. Alah whomever you worship. I’m not here to condemn. We all have our own journey but call on your tribe.

I hope this post encouraged you. As it set me free to write it.

Blessings.

-Domenia Xih Zih